Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
