Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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