dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
