I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
