There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
