Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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