Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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