Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
