I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
