i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
