so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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