Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
