I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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