Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
