I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
