Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
