Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
