also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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