Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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