I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
