If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
