I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
