just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
