take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
