I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
