bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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