My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
