I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
