Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
