____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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