I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
