My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
