Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
