Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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