Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
