I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
