dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
