Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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