my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
