Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
