Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
