words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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