he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
