Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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