I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
