Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
