I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
