Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
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