I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
