But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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