I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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