Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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