I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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