i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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